I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
