Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
