how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
