I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
