Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
