and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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