I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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