I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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