At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
