i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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