you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
