sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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