I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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