sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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