Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
