Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
