neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
