if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
