I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
