I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
