My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's never too late to be topless.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
