He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
