I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
