Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
