Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
