Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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