Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
