Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
