Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
too bad you live with your parents still
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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