also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
