My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
