Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
