just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
