Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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