Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
