Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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