her vagine was all disorganized.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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