i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Who died my cat blue again?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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