He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
