my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
