so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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