We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
