Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
