Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
