I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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