I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
