Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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