Moan for me like Helen Keller
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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