chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
