If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
