I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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