Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
