I faked an abortion last night.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
