How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
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Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
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But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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