I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize