I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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