The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
