The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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